I
had previously mentioned Cathy, my life coach, who prompted me to start singing
again after a twenty-year hiatus to raise Annie and to care for my lab. Cathy, who is of Japanese descent, gave me a
Daruma Doll, a little wooden model of a Zen Buddhist with two eyes
missing. “The idea,” Cathy instructed,
“is to paint in one eye with an intention of something you want to accomplish,
and then to paint in the other eye when you have achieved it.” Immediately, I painted in one eye with a
black Sharpie and wrote the words “SF Opera Chorus” on the bottom of the
doll. It became my intention to audition
for the San Francisco Opera chorus and my hope to get a slot as an extra chorus
member.
I
like the idea of having a challenging goal, one which is not easily
accomplished, but which has some small chance for success. Last year I had heard a guy named Eric Maisel
on the radio talking about “productive obsession”, and this notion really
resonated for me. The idea is to have
both an absorbing journey and a clear destination. The book I have been working on (that is
another topic for the future) is one such perfect example. I loved the process of research for the book,
the writing and re-writing, and ultimately I hope for a real publication. I asked Cathy for a second Daruma Doll for
this productive obsession, and it has one eye filled in and labeled, “Splice”,
the book’s provisional title.
Auditions
for the opera chorus are now imminent, and this sincere intention – a whole
Buddhist doll dedicated to the process! – has understandably ratcheted up my
anxiety. Added to that anxiety has been
the mercurial behavior of my new voice teacher, who one moment supports me and
the next tells me I’m not ready. It
became so unsettling, even though I have really learned a lot from her and
enjoyed working with her, that I needed to end our student-teacher relationship
in order to re-ground myself. Now I need
to put this audition in perspective, to think of it as a fun challenge rather
than simply a terrifying, high-stake experience. Practice, practice, and we’ll see what
happens!
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