The Daruma Dolls January 10, 2020

A few years before I retired, I hired a life-coach named Cathy to help me think through possibilities and to prepare for the next phase of my life.  At one point, when I started singing again after a break of about twenty years, Cathy offered me a small red-painted Daruma Doll, a Japanese image of the monk Bodhidharma who meditated for so long that his arms and legs withered away.  The doll is used for goal-setting, in that both eyes are empty white circles: the aspirant fills in one eye with an intention, and then fills in the second eye when the goal has been achieved.  By working with Cathy, my goal had become obvious – I wanted to sing with the San Francisco Opera Chorus. 

So I filled in one of the eyes with a large black circle and on the doll's underside I wrote the words Opera Chorus.  When I retired, I started vocalizing every day and began auditioning for a few things here and there.  I sang with the West Marin Players in Pirates of Penzance, and I joined Marin Oratorio.  I started to take voice lessons again and to work with my beloved vocal coach Daniel. Eventually I got up my nerve for the annual auditions for SFO Chorus (which I had also done probably 30 years previously).  I polished up the Jewel Song from Faust and learned a new Mozart aria from Clemenza di Tito.  And I did it!  I made it through the aria, I did not forget anything, I did not pass out or throw up. I did not make the cut, but now into my seventh decade, I was very proud of myself for trying.  Yet the poor Daruma Doll had to remain one-eyed.

Meanwhile I was hopping along on some other paths, and I said, “Cathy, I need a few more Daruma Dolls!”  I had written a draft of a short book on the discovery of RNA splicing, and at the time had found a literary agent to shepherd my book to publication.  One eye of little doll #2 was filled in and underneath it I wrote “Splice”.  But the literary agent and I had to part ways, do to his inaction and my impatience, and – what with one thing leading to another – the book remains unpublished and that doll is still blind in one eye, too.

Doll #3 was the last to be declared, and the first to be fully filled in.  On its bottom is written M Arch for Masters of Architecture.

On reflection, I think these Daruma Dolls kept me going.  They are a physical reminder and testimony to my determination and tenacity. I kept thinking, “I am not going to quit!  I want at least one of these dreams to come to fruition.”

And so one has.  I keep the M Arch doll in my car’s glove compartment now, along with a Sharpie, waiting for a chance to get together with Cathy, who now lives in Napa.  I don’t want to fill in the second eye without her.  We did this together.