From time to time I look back upon the choices I’ve made, not necessarily to applaud or disparage them, but to understand them, and maybe, if it’s not too late, to learn from them. Sometimes I even drift into “what if…”.
This all came to mind again when I read a New Yorker article entitled “In Another Life” by Joshua Rothman, who takes us on a literary “what if” through Henry James, Tolstoy, Sartre, and a variety of poets.
For me, most of life has just been following the scent that led me, and there were very few decisions of seemingly deep consequence to be made. Of course I would go to graduate school, even though I recall having a very attractive job offer from IBM. Of course I would marry the man I loved. Of course I would move to California, why not have an adventure?
But there was one decision that I have come to regret, or at least to question many times: When Annie was still young, I was offered the position as head of an Institute, indeed an entire research enterprise, in Melbourne, Australia. It was an incredible opportunity, but it came with financial repercussions, as an American, and familial challenges, as my parents were aging. I made the decision to stay – to keep a good and stable job and to not abandon my sister with the full responsibility to care for our parents.
I can’t say that I would have been “happier” in Melbourne, but I can imagine that Annie might have better weathered her adolescence there. And for that reason alone, knowing what I now know and what she and I have experienced, I can’t help but think life could have been so much better if I had chosen a different path.
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