Reality Check January 11, 2018

I return to the subject of grief. 

Over the holidays, I received a book called “Boundaries” from my sister.  She bought a copy for herself too, as we both have struggled with troubling family situations that had no obvious solution.  At the end of the day, it was incumbent on each of us to simply step back, realize that we were not in control of anyone other than ourselves, and let go.

I seem to have weathered too many of these challenging family problems, and I would have thought that by now I would be immune to their trauma – a devastating divorce, then a remarriage and a death, then my daughter’s plunge into drug addiction.  Responding to addiction in a child – what a boundary challenge that is!  

The book stirred up a new problem that I had not seriously heeded.  I had swept reality to the far-back of my mind as I swirled in the vortex of grief over my daughter.  This new challenge is to let go of the hope of developing a deep relationship with a man I care for.  He has moved on to another relationship, and I now have no choice but to acknowledge his decision and to move on, too. 

I don’t know how to “do” grief, despite its recurrence, but I do know that somehow I can muddle my way through and eventually make it to the other side of acceptance, tranquility, and even joy.

After the death of my second husband, I needed to find a way to heal, and I turned to yoga.  That was exactly twenty years ago this month, and I have been a yogini ever since.  Now, I renew my commitment to this practice, and hope that it will bring me the same strength I found years ago.  I am sure that it will.