A few days ago I finally
brought to closure something that had been gnawing at me for a few years. I am solidly in the last third of my life,
undeniably “old age”, and I would like to share it with someone. I have been carrying the notion of that
someone – a specific someone – in a corner of my heart for several years,
hoping that a deep friendship and past shared experiences would morph into
something fully treasured by both.
As noted in a previous post,
in January I awakened to the reality that this was never going to happen, and I
made the decision to move on. But I also
needed to say it out loud, to have my decision acknowledged. It took until this weekend to materialize, as
the object of my affection was otherwise occupied with another woman and her
family. How could I have been so dense?
And so, it was a difficult
evening, going over some old ground together, professing an undying fondness
for each other, and clarifying what we both feel and want for our futures. How odd: he is in a relationship that he had
claimed he wasn’t really interested in, and I am not in a relationship that I
very much wanted. Life is tricky that
way.
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